What is the Source of Happiness?

I am happy and satisfied in its deepest, most peaceful way. This fulfillment is a product of some internal shifts as much as it is a result of external changes.
My life is pretty stable at this point that I am graduated with a satisfactory degree, have a good job, live in a wonderful country and a convenient place. I have daily goals to accomplish, long-run objectives to achieve, and people to love and be loved by.I am capable of enjoying every moment, even daily trivial ones! I feel full of life.
There is an eternal source of happiness and energy, I believe, that once connected to, we'd be filled with joy. Call it Allah, Higher Self, Holy Spirit... I'm not sure about the title but it's there and we need to reach out.
I know I used to have a better situation in Iran where I had a gorgeous apartment, and I was a flight member of faculty of a university where I was teaching English literature to the best group of students ever. They were incredible; I loved (still do) every one of them and they'd show their affection for me in every possible way: throwing me beautiful parties, buying me gifts and postcards... Some of them are still in touch. I had better reasons to be happy then, and I was … except that it was a momentary happiness and deep down inside I was disturbed and depressed. I was also a very spiritual person at that time. So, there should be deeper reasons for my current fulfillment since my status was by far more significant then.
One main difference, between my past and present situation, is the relative peace and justice in this country. I was very oppressed in that time. The work place, my social and personal life was unfair to me. Before my current job, I used to work in a Weekly Paper. It sounds exciting but I was damaged because I was aware how much I was exploited there. That is the main reason I left my "home" city and then my "home" country. I never felt at home there. I cannot and do not stand despotism. I am a free soul, an individual who likes to make her own decisions. This is also the reason I stubbornly reject some people's love. I recognize they make a prison for me out of what they call love whereas I believe a true love is liberating.

I'd love to be an extremely strong and entirely self-fulfilled person who's always happy even when the environment is hostile. Stoics and mystics are like that, great people like Rumi are constantly nourished by the eternal source they are connected to. I am not one of those (still?). Nevertheless, I am glad that when my basic needs are met I can enjoy life more. I have internal values that I can rely on as much as I am fed by the external contributions. This is a good balance which makes me calm and benevolent. This internal relief makes me be in love and love makes me fulfilled in a reciprocal way. I wish everyone else on the earth resourcefulness, satisfaction, peace, love and freedom.
Live Happily!

In Honour of Mess

“In beginning was mess and out of it God ordered the world.”
This post is written while I am preparing for my upcoming classes, enjoying the reading and writing and taking notes of my arbitrary, in-consequent thoughts.

Faith. Nothing else, no comment just faith and then period.



Will I stop surprising myself one day? My latest cold was the weirdest and the most revealing sickness of mine to prove how amazingly my body and soul are connected and to what extent I can be attached to another person.

11 years of teaching and I still have a hard time grading my students. The more I try to be fair and objective, the more I see giving a number to a student to assess their capabilities is absurd and degrading. Grading is judging. I wish I could just give feedback with no mark on the page.

I strive to make the world that lives in me reconcile to the world that I live in. 28 years, lots of ups and downs and I still resist the bitter reality and cling to the fairy tales that live inside me.

It’s fabulous how teaching English makes me more conscious of myself and my life. No matter how tired I go to class, I always step out energetic. I express some of my thoughts, review my life, ask many questions and challenge the students. My favourite question is the one that I ask at the end of the class and don’t wait for the answer. “So, how does this piece of literature help us be better people, more humane?” Walking back home, I laugh at my ignorance and am amazed by all that I/we take for granted in our absurd social conventions.

It’s ridiculous that the more money I make, the easier I spend it. At the end of the month it doesn’t really matter how much I’ve made.

A Secret to Happiness

It’s not about what’s going on in the world. It’s about what you want your eyes to see, your ears to hear. If you believe that the world is ugly; that it’s full of cruelty, brutality, injustice, you are correct! If you believe that this world is full of love and beauty, you are absolutely right! So, which group of us is wrong? None. We will find, in this world, what we are looking for. Do you want friendship, health, wealth, joy, beauty? You’ll find them. Would you like to prove that people are slaves, miserable creatures? You won't need to look too far away. So, make up your mind once and for all. What do you like your senses to perceive in this world? In your world?
Don’t say you tried and you didn’t find what you wanted. There has been something wrong in your approach. Of course cannot look for wealth while you keep thinking that you’re broke. You can't ask for health and go around tell everyone how you have pain in this part of your head and that side of back. If you want to be happy, see (and not just seek) happiness everywhere. If you do so, you’ll be one of the happiest people on this earth. There is a stream of well-being that flows everywhere. Negative emotions are the obstacles that won’t let you breathe that stream of goodness. Think positive, feel positive and you’ll get everything you want in your life.
You choose to talk about all you don’t have in your life? Universe agrees. You lack this and you've always wanted to earn what you haven't? You’re being betrayed and oppressed? Guess what? The universe replies “your wish is my command.” And you’ll receive more of what you’re complaining about, more of what you don’t want. You decide to think about how blessed you are? How there are millions of people around the world who love to be you? How you’re born with this gift and how you achieved that goal in your life? Yes, you are right. The universe replies to your words always the same way: “your wish is my command.” So, you’ll receive more of what you have, of what you’re happy and grateful for. You’re happy how your beloved people love you and care for you? They’ll love you more and more everyday. You’re upset how they bother you? They’ll increase disturbing you. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW PEOPLE TREAT YOU. Treat yourself the way you like others to treat you and ORIENT YOURSELF TO THE POSITIVE ASPECT OF THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU. The difference between happiness and unhappiness, success and it's opposite is in WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO THINK ABOUT, HOW YOU CHOOSE TO FEEL. Decide to feel good and things will get better for you. Never stop feeling good, not even for one second.
How? Every night, or every minute you get to think, think about what made you happy today, even for a second. The phone call you received from a friend or a family member? A smile you received from a stranger? A delicious apple you bit today? Think about the sweet moments and enjoy them if you want those moments to extend to wonderful hours, days and years.
You don’t feel good at the moment and you can’t think of anything positive to focus on? Listen to a music that you love, look at a picture you enjoy watching, read a poem, breathe deeply, taste something delicious...
As simple as that? YES, AS SIMPLE AS THAT! My ideal job, my nice place with great neighbours, my wonderful friends, fabulous time...all came to me only and only when I started focusing on what I’m blessed with and feeling the love, peace and gratitude that comes with those thoughts. My life changed. I wante to shared my experience with you just because I LOVE YOU ALL. :)

Life Within Life

I have a life within life, within my insular bubble. Don’t finger it! That’s the only way I survive between all these hollow, hungry men. Piadero says there is a country called Zohal that helps you get rid of life painlessly if you know that you don’t belong: “Sooner or later, you’re gonna end, anyways!”

When I share my small shelter with you and you let "Them" break it for me, I’m hurt and I get an urge to write when I’m hurt. I want to write and I want to write a poem that starts with "your warm embrace."
Your warm embrace,
Your warm embrace…
Your...I can’t finish the incomplete phrase. But, wait this is not incomplete! This the most perfect place in the world. Ahhhhhhhh....let me feel you!

“Mmmmiiiiiissss Yyyyyooooouuuuu,”

I check the “inbox” every hour. “Miss you,” it reads. It’s now six in the afternoon and so far I’ve checked this a dozen times; to make sure it’s still there, it was there, it’s been there! My fingers slide on the words “mmmmiiiiiissss yyyyyooooouuuuu,” something reads in my head with emphasize; someone... like a deaf person who tries to pronounce what she can’t hear:“mmmmiiiiiissss yyyyyooooouuuuu.” The touch of my fingertips with the words connects them to somewhere distant in my soul. I refuse to reply.
The cell is on my cheek, I close my eyes and smell it. The cell smells like you, like you missing me, like you thinking about me, like you, like you're mine!

You Are Love

"Falling in love you remain a child; rising in love you mature. By and by love becomes not a relationship, it becomes a state of your being. Not that you are in love - now you are love." Osho

Freedom

Today is the second anniversary of my freedom. Cheers to all those who believe in and practice individualism.
Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddddddddddddooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!